7:06 pm. Linggo. Cavite.

listening to: God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You by NSYNC

Ang tagal bago ako nakabalik sa aking magaling na blog!!!

So many things happened in such a short span of time. I really don't know where to begin.

To all those who visited my blog and did not see a new entry, I'm sorry. Like what I said, so many things happened...

Harry's here!

Well, almost... I'm definitely gonna watch this movie. And, I actually have a special "gimik" *wink wink* for this one, hehehehe... Basta, i'll keep everyone posted on what would be happening.

*Disclaimer: I'm not expecting to get all happy after this special "gimik". I'm actually looking forward for the worst but what the hell... I'll just get in on and over with!!!

Real work is about to begin...

Last Friday was my last day in training in PeopleSupport (to all those who doesn't know, I'm working in PeopleSupport as a call center agent). It's been a blast training for this work but starting this Monday, there won't be any mentors or trainer that would answer my questions regarding a call. I would have to rely on myself, my teammates and my supervisor. I just hope that the team that I will be part of as well as the supervisor would be really accomodating and fun. I'm gonna miss my batchmates, Expedia-99. We can do this! We really can!!! :D

2:57 pm. Martes. Cavite.

listening to: Everybody Wants You by Josh Kelley

2:26 pm. Sabado. Desktop lab.

listening to: the sound of the aircon

7:14 pm. Lunes. Opisina.

listening to: Sleeping to Dream by Jason Mraz

3:44 pm. Huwebes. Opisina.

listening to: You and I Both by Jason Mraz

7:00 pm. Miyerkules. Opisina.

listening to: Yellow by Coldyplay

I'm caught in a whirlwind of emotions.

Monday morning. I woke up at 9 am, I think, and continued to "assist" the layout of Plaridel for the month of June. I was happy that morning. It's probably because I woke up on the right side of the bed (or foam on this case). Since I don't have to do anything to do that day and some of the people need to go to class, I continued to finish the layout.

But finishing the layout was not easy. Ruby, JJ and I went to the office of Cover and Pages (C&P) thinking that we will be able to finish and endorse the section A of Plaridel. However, there was still too much work to be done and we got stuck there until evening with both Ruby and JJ leaving for their classes. Fortunately, Deeaye and Efren came to the rescue and continued to polish the layout.

At exactly 6:30 pm, my mother, who was still at the hospital because she had a gall stone and ovary operation last Sunday, texted me to go back to Philippine General Hospital (PGH). I told her that I was on my way though there was still much to polish. Not following my parents, I stayed until past 8 pm with most of the work already done; it only had to be proofread.

Walking out of the C&P office, I felt great. I was able to be of service to an organization that helped me so much in many ways. But on my way back to PGH, my gut was telling my something bad.

When I opened the door of room 727, I say my mother lying on her bed with my dad beside her. My sister was occupying the watcher's bed. They were not talking. There was an air of eerie silence except for the sound of the television. I felt that there was something wrong.

I approached my mother and look at her eyes, trying to ask what is wrong. She did not respond. Then she motioned me to ask my sister. I approached my sister and asked her, "Bakit ganyan mukha mo?" There was something different on her face. She says, "Ano?" She was obviously annoyed. I did not push the conversation further and I just sat on the bench across her bed and started to take off my shoes. My father told me that there was some food on the edge of the comfy bench. But continued to tell me that there was something that I must know.

My father called me and I approached him and my mother. He began to rub my arms and told me about what happened last Sunday, Father's day.

Sunday. I left the hospital at 10 am because I had to go to Plaridel's layout at Ruby's place. I promised last Saturday that I would help in the layout and stay overnight. However, I wasn't able to leave the hospital because There was no other person except for my father who can help my mother who just came from an operation. So I decided to stay and promised the Cams, Ruby and Deeaye that I would come the next day.

When I woke up that Sunday, Kuya Chris and Nico was already there. After doing some errands, I left for Plaridel's layout. A few hours after I left that Father's day, my relatives came and ,as my father said, they had a wonderful day.

That day, my mother called my grandparents who are living the United Stated. Everyone talked to my grandparents and they greated Tata, "Happy Father's Day!" Tata was able to talk to everyone there - my parents, my siblings, my titas and titos, my cousins. As my Tita Wellie told me, Tata was even laughing with all the people in the room.

Monday evening. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. They just fell from my eyes when my father told me that Tata just died. It was Father's day (Sunday there at Los Angeles, Monday here in the Manila) when he passed away. Then I recalled when my father told me that Tata was still able to talk to my family except for me.

I felt bad. I felt guilty. I hated myself. I wasn't able to talk to Tata for the last time. After talking to Ninang Susan who is with my grandparents in LA, I went to the restroom. I cried my heart out. I let out hushed screams and tears continue to fall non-stop. When I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were red from crying.

I could not muster enough strength to look at myself in a good light. I felt bad...really, really bad especially when Tita Wellie told me that Tata looked for me that Sunday. The feeling is so heavy. Amidst the good things that are happening in my life right now, I cannot seem to accept all of these things with open arms. Even if I was able to help Plaridel, even if Anj and I will start shooting next week our thesis, even if I and other people are excited for my thesis, this Lolo's boy cannot help but hate himself. I would not point fingers to anyone. If there was anyone whom I should blame, it would be me.

I just wish I could talk to Tata and say that I'm sorry. And most importantly, that I love him.

Tata, sorry po. At mahal na mahal na mahal ko po kayo.

11:39 pm. Martes. Comp shop.

listening to: Chariot by Gavin DeGraw

8:02 pm. Miyerkules. Opisina.

listening to:Ikaw Lamang by the DLSU Chorale

In By The River Piedra, I Sat Down And Wept by Paulo Coelho, he said that true love is an act of total surrender. After reading this book for the second time, I got myself thinking about the said act.

In the book, Pilar did not want to return to the life she had before after spending the holidays with her loved one. She was willing to let go of everything she worked hard for - the promise of a more risk-free life which includes a stable job at the state, a life with a husband she still needs to find and other normal things. Pilar was testament to Coelho's statement.

Pilar found happiness in her act of total surrender even if it entail living without the comfort that her previous life offers. But why was she able to continue to live even after surrendering? Looking at it from a practical point of view, she was able to surrender because she is old enough to find a job, work and earn money. In another perspective, she is able to surrender because she had no more demons to conquer. She was able to resolve all her inner conflicts and now found herself in a place that would allow her to start anew.

Everyone would like to Pilar. Ok, not everyone, but most people would like to lead a life like hers. I asked myself if I could be like Pilar. I tried to put myself in a situation wherein I have a choice - to surrender or not. But I cannot see myself doing what Pilar had done. I guess, not yet; I am not capable of surrendering myself now.

A lot of factors maybe the reason behind this "apprehension." Studies, responsibilites, projects, dreams - there are a multitude of possible reasons for us not to surrender. But how do we know if these reasons no longer hinder us from surrendering? Some people think that they would only be able to surrender if they are able to reach their goals or overcome problems. But what if we are not able to reach our dreams and vanquish problems? What if no matter how much effort, time, sweat and blood, we still end up losing; we are still, as Kitchie Nadal puts it, stranded on the same ground? Can we still surrender even if we lost in our battle? The answer is quite simple. Yes. Yes, we can still surrender.

Surrendering oneself does not need to be a pressing issue. It will come and when it does, we must learn to assess all aspects and factors. We must not just follow our head, our logic but also our heart. That is the time when we are able be truly certain on how to lead and live our lives.

This entry is dedicated to Ruby Simundac, a wise friend who used her heart and mind. And to Paulo Coelho, a writer whose works continually inspire me. Thank you for opening my eyes, heart and mind. May God bless you always.

6:45 pm. Martes. Opisina.

listening to: Whenever, Wherever, Whatever by MYMP (a Maxwell original)

Hay... Another stressful day has almost passed. Parang kung saan-saan na pumupunta ang utak ko. Hindi ko alam. Sa sandamukal na bagay na kailangan kong isipin at gawin, nahihirapan akong unahin kung ano ang dapat kong unahin.

Storyboard ng thesis.
Stat101.
Pera para sa thesis.
Relsfor.
Schedule para sa thesis.
Stories.
Gamit para sa thesis.
Plaridel.
Location para sa thesis.
Job-hunting.
Artista para sa thesis.
Editing ng thesis.
Kubeta para sa thesis.
Thesis.
Thesis.
Thesis.

Ewan ko na lang kung hindi ka pa maging sabog sa lagay na yan. Sabog!

Lately, hindi ako maka-isip ng matinong entry sa aking blog. Wala akong maisip na intellectual! Nabobobo na ata ako... My God! (Is there really a God? Bwahahahaha!)

Mag-sit in sa class ni Sir Guevarra

Gustong kong mag-sit in sa class ni Sir Jaime Guevarra. Gusto ko kasing marefresh ang utak ko sa iba't ibang philosophical ideas. Ayaw kong ma-stuck sa isang sabog na sitwasyon.

Astig kasi yung matutunan ko sa Philper and Philorl. Email ko na lang siya para magpaalam kung pwede akong mag-sit in. Sana pumayag siya.

Stat Horrors!

Shet! 1st exam na namin sa Stat sa Huwebes! Pakshet! Dapat pumasa ako kasi yun na nga raw ang pinakamadali. Pag bumagsak ako, oblogs talaga ako! Pressure!!! Magsa-start akong mag-aral ngayon hanggang bago mag-exam. Wish me luck!!!

Sige, hanggang dito na lang po. In fairness, mahaba ang entry ko ngayon, bwahahahaha!!!

Hanggang sa susunod na post.

8:14 pm. Lunes. Opisina.

listening to: The Way You Look At Me by Christian Bautista

It's final. We will be getting Lou Veloso for our thesis. Pakshet!!! Kinakabahan ako!!! May kasalanan pa ako kay Anj... Sorry po...

I'm currently reading again By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept by Paulo Coelho. La lang. Gusto ko talaga 'tong novel na 'to.

Hay... Still have a lot of things to do...

Sige, hanggang sa susunod na post!